Dear Someone,

If I stop sleeping

If I stop eating

If I stop breathing

Will I stop thinking?

Dear Someone,

Here is how I became insane:

Left a hundred decisions unmade, hanging in my mind.

Tried to fit way too much into my days.

Took on too many unnecessary responsibilities.

Damaged my brain with too many drugs and alcohol.

Isolated myself from the world.

Dwelled on the horrible aspects of my life and of the world.

Ate poorly and stayed up all night.

Refused to accept the things I could not change.

Hung onto the past too tightly.

Let fear make my important decisions for me.

Dear Someone,

I am a horrible person. People around me are horrible. You are probably horrible too. This house I live in, this street, this country - they are horrible. The school I attend is horrible. The sun that shines every morning, the moon that stays up all night, the clouds and the stars - they are horible. All the plants, the trees and the flowers, all the animals, cats and dogs and birds and fish in the sea - everything is horrible. Every smile is fake, every tear is worthless, every effort is useless, every day is a joke. There is nothing good around me, or nowhere else in the world, nothing worth living for. My mind is no longer powerful enough to keep me believing, and I am no longer willing to write you. I am no longer willing to write anyone else. I am no longer willing to live. 

KILL ME

Dear Someone,

I fail at everything in life. I fail at being pretty. I fail in self-control. I fail in relationships. I fail in friendships. I fail in achieving all my goals. The one thing I don't fail is school... I do get straight A's and a lot of compliments from my teachers! But what good does that do when I can't afford college nor apply for scholarships since I am not american? I fail. I suck.

Dear Someone,

I miss her. I really do. But I don't think I'll do something about it. Things are better off this way.

Dear Someone,

I don't know what to do. Please help me.

Dear Someone,

I wish that someday, someone will sing this to me.


"Mon enfant nue sur les galets
Le vent dans tes cheveux défaits
Comme un printemps sur mon trajet
Un diamant tombé d'un coffret
Seule la lumière pourrait
Défaire nos repères secrets
Où mes doigts pris sur tes poignets
Je t'aimais, je t'aime et je t'aimerai

Quoi que tu fasses
L'amour est partout où tu regardes
Dans les moindres recoins de l'espace
Dans le moindre rêve où tu t'attardes
L'amour comme s'il en pleuvait
Nu sur les galets

Le ciel prétend qu'il te connaît
Il est si beau c'est sûrement vrai
Lui qui ne s'approche jamais
Je l'ai vu pris dans tes filets

Le monde a tellement de regrets
Tellement de choses qu'on promet
Une seule pour laquelle je suis fait
Je t'aimais, je t'aime et je t'aimerai
Quoi que tu fasses
L'amour est partout où tu regardes
Dans les moindres recoins de l'espace
Dans le moindre rêve où tu t'attardes
L'amour comme s'il en pleuvait
Nu sur les galets

On s'envolera du même quai
Les yeux dans les mêmes reflets
Pour cette vie et celle d'après
Tu seras mon unique projet

Je m'en irai poser tes portraits
A tous les plafonds de tous les palais
Sur tous les murs que je trouverai
Et juste en dessous, j'écrirai

Que seule la lumière pourrait...

Et mes doigts pris sur tes poignets
Je t'aimais, je t'aime, je t'aimerai"

Dear Someone,

My ambitions might very well destroy my life. "Not everyone can drive a ferrari".

Dear Someone,

I have the best friends in the whole wide world!

Dear Someone,

I'll have a baby. I'll never be alone again.

Dear Someone,

She has always been like that. When it's convenient she acts as my mom, and she's even capable of telling me how ungrateful I am. "Mommy is the lady who raises you, not the one who gives birth to you", she'd always say, and sometimes I would believe her. But whenever things get too hard, she's never my mom. "I need money for college", I say "I've always been bright, a successful carreer awaits, but I need a diploma first!". And the answer never changes "I'm not your mommy. I've got no obligations. And I've done enough already, I raised you when you weren't my business. Now why can't that be enough? Call your mother and ask her for help. She's got the money."And whenever I go black she calls someone else to pick me up and clean my mess. "I can deal with her no more. She doesn't listen to me, she doesn't listen do anyone. And she's not my business. I'm too old for this anyway - you come and take her with you." Well I need no part-time mommy. I'm putting up with this no more. If you're not my mommy all the time, then you've never been my mommy, and I can tell the one person you always call to come and get me the same. Therefore I am an orphan who's been left with very little in the world. But I am also a very strong and independent woman. If can't go to college I won't go, but you'd have to kill me to take me back to the place you once forced me to call "home". I am staying here, I'm going nowhere. And if I have to work on the streets, I'll do it. I'll do whatever it takes. You can take everything away from me, even my hopes and dreams of a comfortable future, but you can't make me stop controlling my own life. I'll live. Your days of suffocating me are over.

Dear Someone,

Why live like this?

Dear Someone,

I got rid of one of my addictions, only to start a new one. 

Dear Someone,

This withdrawal is killing me. But I will be strong. I will be free.

Dear Someone,

I hate night time. It makes me feel so depressed. Now I just want to break down and cry. And it's a Friday night, I should be out partying.

Dear Someone,

This has to end. This will end. Tonight.

Dear Someone,

Sometimes I miss home, but then I realize how much I love being here. I wish I could go back without having to leave.

Dear Someone,

I don't deal well with feelings. At least not with real feelings.

Dear Someone,

"I've got the world on a string, (...) I've got that string around my finger. (...) And life is a wonderful thing, as long I hold that string"

Dear Someone,

I am taking all this to a new level. My thoughts and memories of purely imaginary things are now blending with real feelings and emotions. Instead of swiming in my sea of magic and fantasy, I am now drowning in it. Things that I once controlled are now pulling me down. The bouy that once kept me in touch with reality doesn't float anymore. It sinks, and so do I. 

Dear Someone,

None of my friends, none my real and true friends, those who are always there for me when I need them, really knows who I am. And that is no one else's but my own fault. And that is just sad. They love me so much for who they think I am. They accept all my faults, even those I don't have. They are such great people. I wish I could tell them all that is going on, but I also don't know what is happening. And even if I did, I wouldn't let them know. I couldn't bare to lose them.

Dear Someone,

I don't think I can do this alone. For the first time in my life, I think I need help to fix things, to clean up this mess, to put myself back together. But whose help?

Dear Someone,

What is wrong with me?

Dear Someone,

How can it be wrong, if it feels so right? How can it be false, if it feels so true? And how can it be a dream, if it feels so real? 

Dear Someone,

I wish you were real. I wish I had someone to write this letters to. But everyone is gone... I made them leave.

Dear Someone,

Can my own company make me feel less alone?

Dear Someone,

One day I am going to look back at this stage of my life and be proud of myself because I was able to get out of it.

Dear Someone,

Sometimes the easiest things can become the hardest things to do. I guess we shouldn't take anything for granted.

Dear Someone,

I am sinking like a ship.

Dear Someone,

This is what I repeat to myself, over and over and over again: "It doesn't matter, my dear. Nothing else matters but us. We will always be together, no matter what they say. I will never ever let you go, no matter what they do. You are everything I have. You are the only one I love."

Dear Someone,

I am willingly burying myself alive.

Dear Someone,

I am building high walls all around me again. I wish I didn't have to do that. I wish I knew how to stop.

Dear Someone,

I have got to go away. I need to reborn somewhere else, repent for all my sins alone and move on. I need a fresh new start - a real one this time. I only pray that I don't mess things up once again. 

Dear Someone,

Where am I? Where did I go? Where is my true self hidden? And what is this thing that has taken over me?

Dear Someone,

I am trying to understand what is wrong with me, trying to describe what I feel. Ashamed, sad, scared, and confused are the only words that pop out of my mind. Nevertheless, it's hard to understand what makes me feel this way. Everytime I try to think deeply about it I feel a wave of hate towards me. Why do I hate myself so much? What am I so guilty of? What makes me such a bad person? And being aware of all this, why can't I change?

Dear Someone,

I avoid looking at mirrors, glasses and all kinds of shiny surfaces, for I can't stand my own reflection. Is that really me? I hate the girl I see. I judge, pitty and despise the deep grey eyes I find staring right into my own. No, that can't be me. I look nothing like her. When I close my eyes, that is not the "me" I see.

Dear Someone,

I am gaining weight. I dont move much anymore, and I eat just because. I drown my sorrows in food. I grab everything I can eat. I eat even when I am not hungry. But food doesn't taste like food anymore, it has lost all it's flavour. I don't seem to be able to taste it any longer, so I just swallow it almost without chewing. Then I look at myself in the mirror and wish I hadn't eaten so much. 

Dear Someone,

I am so tired. At night I don't want to go to sleep, but in the morning I can't force myself to get up. I've slept 12, 14 hours in a row and still feel exausted. I don't want to move, or think, or breathe.

Dear Someone,

I am so scared. I didn't know one could lose control over one's body and mind like this. I want them back. I want both of them back. 

Dear Someone,

Why do I seem to care about looks so much? They are so overrated. And why do I seem to care so much about what other people think? And about what I deserve? Who do I think I am, after all? How highly do I think of myself? I'm just regular me. No better than anybody else.

Dear Someone,

Things get worse and worse everyday. I wonder if there is a botton to this well. If indeed there is, I must be very close to touch it. And the most fantastic thing about all this is that no one seems no notice. If I died right here, right now, no one would know. If I wanted to take my life away, nobody would be able to stop me. So why don't I?

Dear Someone,

I think I am going crazy. But if I am, am I not supposed not to know this is happening?

Dear Someone,

There are times like this when I look at my life desperate to find something that was not a waste of time. Sadly, I find none.

Dear Someone,

Is it best to stay true to myself even though I know that all I believe in is a lie I myself created? Is it best to believe my own words even though I know that all I say is meant to deceive? Is it best to keep protecting myself even though I know it hurts me more than it helps?

Dear Someone,

I have surrounded myself with pixels. How do I go back to real life now?

Dear Someone,

Do you believe in God? I find myself praying sometimes, not even sure if I am doing it the right way. If there really is a God, maybe he'll hear me. If there really is a God, maybe he'll help me. And even if there isn't, it's not like I'm not used to disappointment.

Dear Someone,

I always tell myself that tomorrow will be better. For some reason it never is. But I have to keep believing, otherwise, how would I get up every morning? Yes, tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow will be better. I know it will.

Dear Someone,

Everyone I talk to seems to admire me for one reason or another. Some say I am brave. Others say I am smart. Others find me pretty, although that has nothing to do with my own merit (it's just genes!) I wish I could take their compliments without thinking "if only you knew". I wish I could agree with at least part of what they say.

Dear Someone,

They gave us five days off so that we could organize our lives. Today is day four and I still haven't moved. There is something that doesn't let me do what needs to be done. I try to fight it but I'm too weak. I wonder if it's going to be like this forever.

Dear Someone,

I ran away from everything I knew only to find out that I couldn't escape from myself. Problems come from no one but me, and I'll always have my own company no matter how far I go. I wish I wasn't alone. I wish I wouldn't make myself so alone.